COULD-HAVE-BEENS!

I suddenly saw few decisions that I had made in times of yore, all flash-backed as I went to bed last Tuesday. The same day, I had met a seventeen year young chap nicked ‘Yongba’ (a rare case to find such named native in Punakha). He accompanied me throughout my four hour walk to a far-flung village called Nidupchhu. First he was hesitant to talk overtly but when I started to ask him personal questions, he was natural then. I learnt everything about his whereabouts, family, reasons he didn't returned back to the Shedra he was studying after he dropped out of his school from his seventh grade, his ambition in life then and now. And while we were conversing and walking up the steep mountain, he landed up sharing about how an American tourist once wanted to adopt and take him to his country. He was all willing to leave behind his family, his village and his country in quest of a better life abroad. But his dream remained a dream till this day. His father refused. He confessed that he still wondered how his life would have changed. He still marveled how his life could have been, had his father said yes to that American stranger. His unduly curiosity unlocked my past decisions which shaped many aspects of my life that I had all but forgotten. It reminded me of my journey to where I am today.

There are many instances in my life where things have been different because of my decision. There were times during my high school when I wanted to become an Engineer but my career direction changed when I was in my twelfth standard. Like others I was confident enough to dream big. I wanted to become a human doctor. I was so positive that I would be so perfect for the profession. I dropped math to concentrate more on biology despite my love for math. Had I taken math and studied well, you might have seen me writing all technical stuffs. I could have become an Engineer.  

Back to Yongba, I could see his excitements still fresh when he remembered about that tourist. It made me wonder too about how his life could have been now. But this time with his excitement was the apparent pain of not being with his supposedly adopted father to live an American dream. Like this young gentleman, I’m still excited at the thought of ‘if only I had taken Math along with Biology in my Pre-University level’. I might have worked hard on my Physics too and had other options to choose. If not a Doctor, I might have been living my other dream (among many) of working as an astrophysicist. Well, it’s always hard to deal with the “could-have-beens” in our life.

This takes me to our constant companion of life: fear! Fear of the unwilling risk, fear of the risked outcomes, and fear of the fear affecting almost every decision we make in the end. There was this constant fear that taking both Math and Biology would mean dividing my study time for two subjects and risking low grades in both. My fear of Calculus and low grades in Math made me opt for Biology. Because of this fear, we land up having all those could-have-beens waiting in line in our life hoping that we will find what we have been chasing. We are not ready to let go every thoughts that we so apprehensively built in our mind because of the fear of what we could be missing. This very fear shapes all side of our lives, from choosing a subject to study to choosing a career, from falling in love to choosing the right soul mate and everything in-between in the journey of our life. There is always a fear accompanying us in everything that we dream about.

Do you wanna know if I ever missed on some of the best moments in my life because of it? Of course, I did miss; the undersized opportunity of working for NASA or having the title “Dr.” in front of my name…LOL..I still dread to realize the fact of losing what I never had or what I never really found. Sometimes when I look back on my life, I’m disappointed that I didn’t make an honest effort to make many things (things that mattered and I might have really wanted) happen. There are decisions that I pulled an upset for myself. Personally it cuts me with my every could-have-beens that I’ve so long added and accumulated in my list. All the chances I never took, the relationships I was afraid to have and sometimes the decisions I waited too long to make. In my chase of perfection, I was too scared of being not-good-enough. In my pursuit of happiness, I was afraid of denial. And in my search for an idyllic life, I had insecurities of life per se. 

I’m still wondering how Yongba might have grown up to be. And I wonder about all the dreams I never pursued.

Now I have this slow realization of how our life’s not all haha-heehee. The paradox of life will always be there; moment of bliss taking you into heart-rending sadness. It’s like that line, “Just like a seesaw always teetering on end finding joy then sorrow then joy again”. The possibility of getting into the contradictory situation has always been there (at least for me). Many things in my life have quite turned out because of all the boundaries that I set for myself. I’ve encountered high and lows, bumped into both success and failures. I‘ve been the victim of my obvious and hidden choices. But I’m glad that I got to learn my lessons if not late: to take risk and avoid having those moments of regret for not giving it a try. Universe, as we know by now, has its own way of throwing challenges on our way as much as she pleases. The choice is finally ours to make: to embrace the challenges, seize the opportunity and take the plunge. I say overcome your fears and take it on!

You only come through stronger when you thought you couldn’t cope with more. So, until next time, step out and live your life saying ‘at least I tried’.


...Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream...


Could-have-been-Dr.JC!

PS. Well, now I’m certain that, had I met this American adopted Yongba now, he must have talked to me with his American accent: Howdy ma'am?

KNIGHTS IN SHINING ARMOUR - MEN!

The Complete Man: Tall, Dark, handsome, intelligent, humorous, loyal, caring, understanding, charming, rich if not the archetype himself – Mr. Adonis!


I’m sure those who read my previous blog must have created this I-hate-men image out of me. Honestly, I’m not Anti-men (not always but most of the time I land up going against). Somehow, men always fail me miserably every single and second time. Well, today is an exception. Seriously, I couldn’t not write about MEN after writing on Women last week. Ladies, let’s admit that one of the main topics we discuss is men when we girls get together (How could we forget that?). And I know it wouldn’t have been fair on my part if I didn’t write after reading to Karma Choden saying that “every Bhutanese woman is as assured as she is accomplished. For this, we have ourselves and then our men to thank. I believe it takes two to sing a beautiful duet; it goes to show it takes confident men to allow confidence in women.” (DRUKPA, Sept ‘10)


I don’t think I can rightly pen down the emotions that is running right now. There are few men that have a special place in my heart, always have. It’s because of whom I have been able to swerve every little bump in my life’s highway. Okay, I’m not going into details of these special men of my life of course. But whatever I land up writing please take it as another way of saying my ‘Thank You’ to all the men in my life. Word’s can’t begin to express how special it is and how grateful I’m to have you all. And sorry I’m ignoring those, which millions of girls still wish their men to be like. But I have my favorite men on Earth to Thank for coming into my life: Landon Carter, Abhay Gulati, Stefan Salvatore, Chulbul Pandey, Hassan, our very own Gasa Lamai Singye and now my new discovery Chris Medina. These men have never disappointed me, ever. I love them all, a big time!


I’m not being THE JUDAS here my sisters (just trying to sing a beautiful duet). There are many facts which make him very special. A guy pal has an additional importance in our life. Trust me ladies, he will open you to yet another dimension and lead you to things you couldn’t possibly fathom.  As romantically as it sounds, these knights in shining armour was not only protective of me but helped me with my endless problems. Simply put, he solved all my problems from careers to unavailability of vegetarian food. From watching sad movies to accompanying us for long hours of shopping. From which cool gadget to buy to set them up and to fix it. From being a protector to your backup/substitute date for high school or college reunion. From filling you in on male gossips to how the they (men) think. From love to genuine advice on each man we introduce them secretly. From enjoying to dare the toughest stunts to our single tear that melted them. I love this one now; he will lend his shoulder to cry on when a guy breaks your heart and will be the first to put his fist in the face of the same man who dared to make you cry. That’s the power of the knight in shining armour. I’m sure those who already have one will consent with me. I discovered him from my ninth grade and now have extended to more than one.


He’s like any normal guy doing all those douche-bag man things but there’s this ‘you-can-rely-on-me’ or ‘I-won’t-let-you-down’ attribute which makes him different and special. He’s the guide to Mars who will enrich your life in more ways like your gang of girls. He’ll give you a man’s perspective on everything. A true help, come shine come rain through the potholes of life. He would be readily available; you are just a phone call away kinda – as simple as that! And yes they listen to a woman; it’s just that initially you need to nudge from time to time, the rest is a smooth journey. I’ve been told by one of my guy pal that just because he doesn’t love you the way you wanted him to doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you (they just run out of ways to express). So I guess we need to understand them as well. I have to say, these types of guy pals are irreplaceable. I should not but I’m outta his attributes. May be you ladies get yourself lucky to find that ideal guy pal and have him in your collection of friends. Needless to say, I know I’m lucky to have them!

Guy-Pal JC!

PS. My dearest Men, if women don’t come to you still, please know that they don’t know a friend like you. 

My knights in shining armour! 

(Sorry Sherab, Singay and Tandin. I'll have to meet you guys and save the moment next time!)

PHENOMENAL WOMAN!

(An extension on Women Series)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size 
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips, 
The stride of my step, 
The curl of my lips. 
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please, 
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees. 
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees. 
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes, 
And the flash of my teeth, 
The swing in my waist, 
And the joy in my feet. 
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered 
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them, 
They say they still can't see. 
I say,
It's in the arch of my back, 
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed. 
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud. 
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels, 
The bend of my hair, 
The palm of my hand, 
The need for my care. 
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

—Maya Angelou

THE OTHER HALF OF THE SKY - WOMEN!

Disclaimer: It stands to be my opinion. I'm responsible for what I wrote and not for how you understood/interpreted my words. Plus it's not the final word on men.

By now you probably know that I’m a single working woman on the discovery road of what I’m worth in this lifetime with my focus on being independent and determined of my purpose in life. I’m proud to be born as a woman; Yes, I never wished being born a man. I have lived my life the way I always wanted to. Through thick and thin I have enjoyed way too much being a woman. And among a million other reasons I’m lucky and blessed that I’m born in Bhutan. We don’t have many issues on women like we get to see or at least hear about women (and girls) being assaulted, raped, tortured, murdered or sold off all around the world. In Bhutan we have in reality enjoyed what we call a “matrilineal” system of inheritance in gender terms. (Matrilineality is a system in which lineage is traced through the mother and maternal ancestors. Matrilineality also is a societal system in which one belongs to one's matriline or mother's lineage, which can involve the inheritance of property and/or titles. Courtesy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matrilineality)

Well, at the outset please allow me for lavishly plagiarizing few or probably frequent lines from the September 2010 issue of DRUKPA. I could not but happily agree when I read Mr. Jurmi Chhowing (from the editorial desk) say that “…they make the world go around” (They as in the Women). The word woman is so weighed; I second Lennon on what he probably said few decades ago that ‘Woman, I can hardly express…’. No, I’m not delivering on the nine months and post processes. I’m writing this piece with one particular guy mate of mine on mind who more than two years ago stated that ‘Women are difficult to understand’. The discussion was way too long due between us. I’m still perplexed with this attitude. So, today I’m going to write few things which men are supposed to know about we WOMEN! This is for him! I hope he’s reading this piece too. And this is for those in quest to better understand women. You need to move beyond the ‘women are complex’ mentality. 

I don’t know since when but I owned the book ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ by John Gray. Yes, it’s about how you can improve the relationship of heterosexual couples. I had heard so much about it so I bought it thinking that maybe it would be worth buying. I thought that at some point of time in my romantic phase of life, I would need it. But I never had to use this model to improve my relationship. There wasn’t a need, not at all. I was one of the happy Venusian in the universe. Washington Irving once wrote that ‘a woman's whole life is a history of the affections ’. I’m not actually confident what he really meant but I’m taking it in a positive front. Indeed we women are full of affection; history, present or future, we will always be known for the colossal affection we carry in various characters. Let me borrow the line “through daughterhood, sisterhood, motherhood and unto the penultimate shape and form of the matriarchal grandmother, the woman does it all”. That explains it all. But it’s quite surprising that men has discovered it and yet has refused to acknowledge the fact. Of course there’s no clash of the Titans, oops I mean clash of Mars and Venus. Neither battle nor wars! 

Well guys, it’s hard for us to understand what you mean when you say whatever you say. We don’t want you to beat around the bush. Who wants to be with the guy who doesn't have the guts to tell the truth? Why do you try to have options when you can just have one? We detest when you men try to show off your multitasking prowess (sometimes by killing two birds with one stone, supposed to be a metaphor). It is just condescending and downright heartbreaking. When I meet people like that it reminds me why I am single (Most of the times I wish I could see the future just to see if one particular guy is even worth it). It reminds me of a penny; two faced, hollow and worthless. When I say worthless, does it hurt the colossal ego that you men carry? Tsk Tsk, but you cannot deny the fact either, right? If ever I find a guy that proves me wrong, I swear I’ll forget that I even wrote this piece. But then I know I’ll simply land up rolling my eyes as I say “men are men and men will be men still”. No denial!!! You can’t be in love with two people one time, even if you do how sure can you be that either the first or the second one will turn out to be the right one? (I read somewhere about a male-specific disease, could it be the dreaded ‘Male Jump to Conclusion Syndrome’ afflicted to the Martians?) Why cheat on someone? If you weren’t sure or happy, speak out and just leave. Respect woman and the respect this thing called commitment. Smarten up!

Personally I have issues that you men have all the time in the world to make other people fall in love with you but you don’t have time to pay attentions to the one who already does. How are we supposed to take that? How do we understand this logic? During the initial days you pretend to love her so much but as time passes by you change. It always makes me wonder why men work so hard to get your attention and once they have it they ignore you. Why do you get bored? Women are not something that you can choose like some flavor of the week and when you are fed up with the taste you dump them right at their face. Where is the idea of wanting to spend the whole life with just one person and not getting tired of them? They say that real men never stop trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he got her. If you promise a woman then please keep the promise if not why do you make it in the first place? Remember that a woman needs someone who will never get tired of loving her and proving it time and again.

Okay, you accuse us of being complex. I agree that the female thought process is very complex. I guess we evolved with time. Now that you know the fact that our thinking process is not simple like you claim to possess, why on universe are you taking such a long time to digest and deal with it accordingly? It doesn’t constitute as a gesture of understanding from your part. If you want us to do something, tell us too. I’m sure you will get a direct answer. With women, you can be who you really are – you don’t need to pretend. If you give them a chance (i.e. if only you want to hear it) she can be brutally honest because she cares about you to tell the truth. She loves you the way you are. Of course there’s this part where she hates her smoking and drinking boyfriend. She tries hard enough to make him quit and it pisses you men. Well, it’s not a burden of unnecessary stress of change.  She’s just trying to care about you enough which indirectly helps extend your life so that you can live at least for a day longer together, don’t you Martians get that? If she argues with you, it’s because she cares about you. Listen to her and understand her. The reason is that woman likes to receive those showers of cares for them on a regular basis and would like to do the same for her man. She needs someone who can commit and be responsible.

I have seen (and I have experienced) what it takes to live our lives as a Venusian. With every problem, every adversity, every stress that they went through, they succeeded in bringing that smile through it all (on your face). Every time she was shattered, she has picked up the pieces of her life and remained steadfast as a survivor. Their shoulders have carried the heaviest loads with nil complaints - from your anxiety to bouquets and chocolates. Distance and geographies have never hampered her love for you men. And sometimes your one simple glance has worked its tricks. I tell you men look around and get inspired from these women.

Now I would like to share what’s in a woman’s mind and heart. But you have to promise to inscribe in your little brain and heart. She loves receiving little notes (can’t you guys spare five minutes to write one, even if it’s a weird poem?). She loves receiving sweet dreams message at night (it’s just Nu. 0.45. How stingy could you get?) She expects you to remember the dates (modern technology has given you many ways to remind, can’t you use them?). She expects you to call her at midnight on her birthday and after you wake up and before you sleep (is it too hard for you to whisper Happy Birthday and tell her you love her and make her feel like the most important person in your universe? Common, it comes once a year!) She doesn’t want you to hold her hand bags but she would definitely want you to be a gentleman (Is it too wearisome for you to hold the door for her?) She must be a fan of Enrique or Nelly but she likes to hear her man singing in his hoarse voice (can’t you sing if it makes her to giggle listening to them?) Say things first. Don’t expect her to confess her love to you before you do.

I wish I could avoid the cliché but I have to say it - the best way to a woman’s heart is the truth. You need to compliment her honestly my Martians that way you don’t even have to lie. Be honest and you gain her love, trust and respect. A true relationship starts when you tell each other anything and everything. The much talked about the television soaps win over the football matches – have you ever thought for once ‘I’m giving up this time for you’ rather than ‘why should men give up so many things’? Have you ever asked her out for a long walk after dinner? She would most happily leave her series to spend some quality time alone with you. Men, please delete the mentality of ‘committing to just one woman is a big enough gesture in itself’ from your hard memory disk. That’s seriously not enough. At the end of the day all she wants from you is your love with all your heart (and all we ask is the reassurance from you. Is it too much to ask?).

Guys, are you goaded that women always wear the jealous look whenever you talk with your girl pals or any Venusians? Well, if you weren’t jealous every once in a while, the whole idea is that you wouldn’t be in love either. And please don’t act different in front of your friends and when it’s just you and her. Involve her friends (By now you should know that for women, our BFFs mean so much so we want to share everything with them). I tell you, accept us just the way we are like the way you guys want us to accept the way you are. It’s a win-win situation for all! You don’t get into a relationship to change the other person but you both grow into each other changing you both for the better.

Well some of the things girls expect and what you need to do: when she ignores you, she definitely wants your attention. When she has that doubt, she wants you to defend yourself (she doesn’t want to lose you). A girl is full of hints (try to read them and help her out). When she tells you a secret, she trusts you that you will keep it untold. When she says that she loves you, she really does (I wish I could say how much!). When she walks away from you, she wants you to follow her. Women like a man who will follow them to the end- of the Earth if that’s what it takes. When she starts crying, don’t say anything, just hold her tight as long as possible (she will feel protected). She needs someone who isn’t afraid to let her go when she isn’t ready yet. She needs someone who will fight for his love and never give up no matter what the consequences are. A girl is happiest when she knows that you make her your everything. Don’t force her to do anything! 

There are some of us you probably think is tough and strong (you could include me in the list). But that’s just what she wants others to believe. Underneath she’s like everyone else – dreaming about the kind of man who would risk everything for them, even knowing they might get hurt. It is easy to please a woman but hardest to hurt her – simply because what kind of prodigious human with patience and unconditional love get hurt easily. Try us – you hurt her, break & tear her heart apart and in return she will love you back, care about you and will stand right beside you. Yes she will bear all the barbs you men impeccably target her way. The problem with woman is they love someone too much (and the problem with men is they let go too easily). But it’s a pity that you still don’t appreciate her. “Women have the unenviable privilege of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone” (Persuasion, Austen) Lastly but certainly not the least, please NEVER LIE to her (not that you could hide those things from her either). Because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie, from start till present.

I recently discovered a guy named ‘Chris Medina’ (American Idol 10 contestant). He touched the hearts of more that 30 million people (including me) with his heartbreaking story. His fiancé survived a car accident prior to their marriage date and suffered from a traumatic brain injury. He has dedicated his life in taking the role of her sole caretaker. Their undated-marriage in future is what keeps him motivated. The world indeed needs more men like him. I wish the world had more men like Chris. Sometimes I feel instead of advocating on the conservation of 200 White Bellied Herons in the world, we need to spread more awareness on these kinds of men left (because such men are uncommon and near to extinction now).

No woman no cry! I refuse to believe Bonny M and everyone else who sings this song. Remove that thick blinders from your eyes Martians and see that we aren’t the cause of the howl. Instead we have the answers. However, in any case you cry sometimes woman can lend her shoulder to man. I couldn’t but agree to a man when he said that “one cannot fathom how insipid the world would be without Women”. Women were created from the ribs of Adam because it's under his arm to be protected and near his heart to be loved. And of course we have James Brown singing “…this is a man's world; this is a man's world. But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl...” In life, in any case if you land up with two options to run away or stand your ground (due to a woman in your life), I say please stand your ground. I promise you won’t be extinct. You will be one of the critically endangered species on Earth and this woman will conserve and take actions that your habitat isn’t destroyed.

This is to celebration of being a woman, a source of strength and wisdom (together with all her foibles)! This one is to those who need to understand us! Happy Women’s Day my ladies out there! May the Force be with you all! And gentlemen, celebrate your best reason to live & die for-WOMEN!

Let the understanding begin!

Girly JC!

PS. Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags. It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex. – Charlotte Bronte (Jane Eyre Ch. 12)

A man is also a woman; he wants to find someone, to give meaning to his life. Does that make a man difficult to understand?

PPS. Men, I'm forever keeping my angel close, are you?

 

LOVE ACTUALLY!

Girl, I still remember the first time I saw you

In your eyes I saw lights shining bright

Now, once I knew, I was gonna love you

Liked no one loved you

Like I never loved anyone before

Baby, baby, can’t you see

This is a love for you and me

I say, baby, baby, I wanna have only you

Ring a bell? It’s the beginning stanza of one of my all time favorite Bollywood songs. I have been habitually asking them, my friends - old and new about their love stories all this while. Today, the 14th Feb, 2011, as I sit and recollect everyone else’s love story, I reflect to “where did my story, my love story wane & stopped?” Well, a (((BIG HUG))) to start with, to all of you on this blog…the Beatles were right..."Love is all you need"...Happy reading guys!

Paul: He was my senior in college. Somehow I knew little bit about him all this while. He was a nice boy then, very gentle and kind-hearted, the kind most people dream about. He even had a good voice and danced well. Candid on the net: I still have one of his photograph where he is carefully playing guitar, it was given to me by a close friend of mine. It was a silent one-sided love. He was going around with another girl at the same time. Sure enough to break your heart but I was not completely unhappy. It was a love that I thought to risk not being loved in return. And to expose my feelings was to risk showing my true self. No one is happy all the time even if you are madly in love and have each other by your side, And not many relationships of course last for long that too when you look back on the whole things you end up looking silly. I was happy, happy most of the time. I still wonder whether any good thing had come from that love. Certainly, those small gestures made my life so enjoyable. It must be a difficult thing anyone could experience and get back the hurt when remembered but for me it was a sweet goodbye, a love to cherish in every way.

Passive: We met in college. He seemed so…I dunno…Perfect, I guess. He had grown up in Thimphu. Came from a good family, was intelligent. To me he was really handsome, handsome enough to make any girl ignore her best instincts. Back then, one of my friends had warned me “you might fall in love with P”, I guess I did fell in love again. It was such a foolish of me to be thinking of someone who had a girlfriend, yet again. He was a nice guy especially considering the fact that he was nice to me. There were myriad of things that went unsaid between us. There are still those unspoken thoughts. I wish I get that one chance, I could give him the letters I wrote to him in my crude book titled “Things I Want to Say to You!”  For the first time I fully understood that: Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back! Don’t expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours.

Mr. HRN: I have no idea when my heart created that space for this one, I really don’t know. It was like this song: It started out as a feeling which then grew into a hope. Was it love, or just something that reminded me of something that felt a lot like, but wasn't, love. Just friends, friends then, until the end you know I still pretend, just friends. Our conversation weren’t exactly long but I admit I enjoyed them nonetheless. More than seeing him in real, I saw him more in my dreams. It was always “I must have been dreaming” moments with him. Wishing that he would leave me with some kind of proof that it’s not a dream in the morning when I woke up. This one too had a girlfriend when I knew that he existed. I read somewhere that “a sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go”. Yes, I let him go as well.

Well, that wasn’t a wonderful love story, love stories right? I’m friends with all three of them now. It hurt when I lost each of the various Martians I fell in love with. Today, every time I look up at the sky at night, I count three stars and smile hoping that they too are smiling back at me. I guess I’m totally convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. I have come to understand that ‘Universe has its law to break heart’. And it’s true that “Being in love with each other doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be a couple; sometimes you just have to be friends”.

Future scope: I would like to believe that I’m in love with someone I don’t know and who didn’t figure in my plans at all. I have left myself to be swept away by the first person to treat me a little differently. It’s just as well I don’t have his phone number that I don’t know where he lives. I guess that way I can love him without having to blame myself for another missed opportunity. In other words I’m letting him find me, in real and not just in our dreams.

Baby, ever since you walked into my life

My meaning of life has changed

I rearranged my entire way of looking at things

And all that I say is because of you

Because of my love for you

Baby, you have helped me find who I’m

‘Cos I can see who you are

You are a shining star

For me in our my private galaxy

Baby I love you

What’s life without love? Do you know yet that 2011 is a year of falling in love? Here’s to everyone falling in love: Spread love!!! Happy Valentines Day!!!

Lovey JC!

PS. Let me quote a line from one of my favourite movies Love Actually, “The thing about romance is....people only get together right at the very end”. I’m all prepared for a Prince Charming to appear and carry me off for good. Are you prepared? So hang in there! Much Love!

THE WAY I ARE! (PART II)

I'm kinda stoked that you read the whole of Part I (you probably could have done other stuff in those 5-7 minutes). I know that was ridiculously long. Well I commend you and anyone else for that and thank you for spending your time on me. I hope I could get a little closer to you. So give me your permission to continue further.

Food wise, I’m not fussy about it. I’m not a junk food fan but I can’t resist to homemade food. The happiest meal for me is suja, rice and red chilli ema datshi. I hated cooking till my undergrad. During my student life I skipped home economics. So I’m very insecure about my culinary prowess. I never had to cook while I lived with my parents. I just needed to order food. But now that I need to cook, I have learnt few recipes here and there. Having said that, I can make a mean datshi of every vegetable. I can make my version of pasta and spaghetti. I will serve you when I next meet you if it falls on a Saturday (I have my own superstitious reasons). Yes, I’m a superstitious person. I have a superstition of seeing a bottle of milk to bring good luck.

I’m too emotional! This is the hardest part for me now. I’m romantic at heart (I seldom show this to the Martian). I have always hidden this until now but I’m doing it just for you. I love LOVE and I’m a secret sucker for romance too. It could be in the form of romantic movies, romantic songs, romantic books, relationships, gifts, Valentine’s Day, an evening walk, et cetera. I agree that ‘Love is the greatest emotion in the world’’. Every big and little thing in our life has love in it. In truth, like any other girl I’m waiting for the day my dream man will appear in front of me. Yes, I would like to be swept off my feet and then run far away to the Neverland. It’s the fault of those romantic movies and books which had an irrevocable influence on me. But there is this little intuition that says me that ideal romance do exists. You could say I’m an idealist at heart, waiting for the ultimate one. Meanwhile I would pick Imran Khan to go on a fantasy date in case I don’t get dates with Won Bin.

Well, there’s a long checklist of requirements for what it takes to be my perfect man. I will share FEW of them here. I’m a curious cat, so should be Intelligent to answer my infinite questions. I want to be bored yet entertained incessantly by the one I’m with, so should be witty, charming with a healthy sense of humour. Should be trustworthy (I could say almost anything). I hate Liars, so no pretensions. Should be kind to me, you and all. All this while I have been lifting those heavy boxes, for a change I would like to have someone who can carry it for me. I want someone to help me control all the situations in my life, of course in a positive way. Should have some sort of connection, I don’t know what sort of but something that will keep me drawing towards him. May be some kind of feeling that people write about in novels. Patient enough to catch all the frequent tantrums that I must have to throw. Send me a text when he feels I sounded a bit low. I’m not talking about the looks but if he’s good looking that wouldn’t hurt at all (tongue out). In return (I want to borrow Pearl Jam’s line) I would happily be the verb 'to trust' and never let you down. Wow! I said it all. This spares me from my matrimonial fee. But I feel sad that it’s difficult for me to find one. By the way, he can bypass the stuffed toys (there are only limited toys that I truly find cute and I can gift that myself). Is it something like ‘out of reach’? I know you see me like some wide eyed dreamer, but I’m not the only one here (you know that right?). I have also seen aplenty cases wherein ‘when love happens, the list doesn’t matter so much’. So those Martians who were about to give up impressing me can finally relax.

I’m a music fiend. I have a long-standing relationship with music. It is my escape into my utopia! Each word in the lyrics is so real. There is so much to relate and dedicate. I can listen to from start to finish and on repeat mode, the whole day and the next day and everyday. It plays an important role in my life. If you see me in a bad mood, sing me a song. That will make me cry first and then I’ll be back to normal (Well done, you just made my day!) It’s a crutch for me to lean on at all time. There is this wonderful association of listening to one particular song that makes you want to sing along especially ‘cause you have some memorable moments with each one (I have lots since I like burning CDs for my friends). I enjoy listening to a wide variety of music. I like the banjo. There is something about it that connects to me. I like the sound of acoustic guitar, violin and piano. I like listening to local music too. The only thing I hate about music is the loud and late night singing of a person that offends my eardrum while I’m in my dream world.

Singing is JC’s covert passion. I have a dream to sing (just in case one of the many bands out in the town is in dire need to recruit a new member). I can’t really do that so I attempt to sing while I do some karaoke, but it’s been a couple of years now. It’s so much fun just standing in front of the mike, taking a while to actually dedicate the song and then pouring out your emotions while the beat goes on and on. I love singing especially duets. I can spend hours and hours practicing alone. I have a raw video with me singing with one of my Thai friend that I met on a study tour in Bangkok. If my mood allows me I could share the video with you some day. I love car singing too especially along with Clarkson, Gaga and Perry. I used to own a guitar before but I never got a teacher who could teach me. Sadly, I never made the best use of it. I wish I could make music. At the moment I’m learning a Korean song so that I can make an impression on Won Bin on our first date (blush blush). I tell you it’s not as easy as we tend to feel while listening. I’m mortified to say but I’m just two lines through past two months. Fighting!

All my life I have hated the smell of perfume. But about a year ago, I bought some bottles of perfume and since then I have loved spraying perfumes. I was sort of left out in that department but I’m making up for lost time now. I love giving gifts and also getting them. It could be as simple as a nail clipper when I misplace mine or Vaseline for my cracked heel. I'm still beyond obsessed with the book ‘A Walk to Remember’. It still gives me the goose flesh even today! Whenever I want my dose of romance, I grab the book and I’m captivated by it. It’s everything I maybe wanted for myself when I was in college. I still can’t let it go.

I hate sharing. I rather sacrifice it for the other one in need than just carve up. I like helping others as much as I can if it has a positive effect on them. It takes two to share. I have also learnt that it’s not bad to be selfish. Because there are some things in life that are not meant to be shared, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I make sure I get my full share too.

So prolly now is the moment to come clean with you about my flaws. I’m pretty clumsy. I’m a geek per se. I’m moody. I can be harsh and rude to anyone. I have been given the name ‘tough’ by few of my friends. I hate cleaning floors. I’m nowhere near the concept of girl-next-door. I can make up excuses for almost everything if that saves me from scolding. Oh! Am I into my I-hate list? There is plethora of stuffs that I dislike. I hate peeling oranges. I have an aversion towards people who do matchmaking. I still wonder what Austen’s fascination was with matchmaking in Emma. I have many issues about phone. I hate when I want a call or a message and don’t get one. I hate people talking over phone when I’m right in front of them sitting alone, makes me feel like some idiot waiting for a free meal. I hate the feeling when people don’t message back right after I text them. I hate when the whole world rings me when either my battery is low or I’m busy.

I hate all those double meaning jokes. I cannot digest lies and I hate liars to my bones.  I hate those extended meetings and boring speeches. It’s so sleepy and annoying. I hate mosquitoes. I hate my bad hair days. I hate when I see my nails filled with dirt. As determined as I’m, I can be adamant. I have to win an argument even if I have to contradict myself sometimes. I can be a drama queen too. Most important I don’t do favours for free. Okay, I was kidding about the later. I was checking on you if you skipped few lines ‘cause I already said that I like lending a helping hand. Regardless of these downbeat semblances, I’m living my days the way I like with so many lessons to learn. Life has been amazing and I maybe, have started liking being imperfect. ‘Cause that’s the way, JC’s way!

Phew!!! So this is it. These were some of the things that only few of my closest friends already know. Some of the things were for you, for those who wanted to be friends with me and in some ways I couldn’t be one (I would like to believe that way). There were also few things that nobody ever knew about. I hope I got to say it exactly about who I really am in real life. Now I’m wondering what you are wondering about what I’m and I’m not? Lastly but certainly not the least, I may not be perfect, however, I will never change (but I will never stay the same either). It’s a Leo thing again, I suppose.

I read a wonderful quote once "everyone tells me that I've changed, but the truth is that I've just stopped living my life their way". I’m sure it’s true for most of you; it definitely speaks for me! Ain’t people right when they say that we should never apologize for the way we are? So be yourself, always! Happy rediscovering yourself!

Me Still, JC

PS. Can you handle me the way I'm are?

THE WAY I ARE! (PART I)

"I have no special talents. I’m only passionately curious." - Albert Einstein.

"I have no special talents. I’m only passionately curious." - JC.

For the last few months, I've been writing on this blog. Somehow I felt comfortable writing about things that happen in my life. I’M (WO)MAN OF MY WORDS. So keeping my last promise, today as I slough off the skin, I take you a little closer to who I am and to my real world. Generally I’m always excited by anything but I’m very nervous about this one. It could be because I’m not vocal about my feelings. I’m very secretive. I always keep my personal feelings on a sly. It’s is a new thing that I’m writing few things about it in my blog. Otherwise, I won’t ever give a hint of what I fancy about. Those who don’t know me well enough always land up muttering that I don’t say the right thing at the right time. So I thought maybe I could write it all down so that next time someone says that, I will say “Hey, you gotta read this one!” And now, I’m excited for you to know about me and my stealthy confessions.

Well…Hi, I’m Jigme. I’ve been alive for 27 years now. I’m a normal one with my own share of choices, concerns, insecurities and everything hereafter (Welcome to my random musings). I’m a woman who can very well define my namesake - FEARLESS. I have been a loner. I totally love being on my own most of the time which has made me country strong & Independent. If there’s no Ophiuchus as the 13th Zodiac sign and my Zodiac sign has not changed, I’m a Leon! I once read a tweet saying when a Leo female walks into a room, it's almost as if a Queen just made an appearance. That’s for you to judge. We are infamously known to be arrogant, domineering, selfish, sensitive, snide, flashy and egoist. I do have a slight touch of these traits in me too. On the brighter side I’m very organized. I like to have my to-do list (helps me against my absentmindedness). I’m very particular about anything and everything. It means doing the right thing is very important to me.

I might not look one, but I’m easy-going and fun-loving person. I’m not very sociable but I love to hang out with my important people (especially my gang of girls). I normally prefer slumber party over others; cook, eat, drink, and laugh, make jokes and sleep over. I cannot work for 24 hours straight. I need to enter the amazing world of dreams while I take my beauty sleep (at least seven hours). I hate those nights when I have to skip but I can sacrifice few nights out of 365. I love taking naps (during weekends ‘cause that’s the only time I get to take) especially with my favorite playlist on. Something about it just feels right. I neither have the capacity nor an ardor to party. I would rather go out for a Karaoke with my friends. I love going out for morning breakfast and just hang out with them (I haven’t done that for quite sometime now). Family and friends are important; it’s just that I don’t need to spend hours engaging with them. Social validation isn’t my goal.

There are moments when I prefer chilling by myself (I need my space, a LOT). I love going on solo-drive, stop at some nice place and sit with a good book. I like almost everything about books; buying books, gifting books, receiving one as a gift, covering the book, turning the pages and arranging it on the shelf. I love reading. I mostly read books recommended by my ardent reader friends. Otherwise, I love reading books by Indian authors. I can so relate to the characters. It is so easy to actually associate with most of the things mentioned in the book. I love all genres of books mostly on philosophy, biographies, autobiographies, history, self-help, etc. You will also find romantic novels in the read list in my weRead bookshelf. These books have a breathtaking story that I guess never happen in reality. There is this loveliness in it which harks back at me of what I don’t have and what I want in real. It’s one of those means by which I can enter into a happily-ever-after world. And there’s so much great knowledge in books. At the moment I’m reading “The Law of Nature”.

I have my own collection of collecting stuffs. I have been doing philately since my school days. I have a small collection of coins and currencies. I like collecting hair clips. I like to treasure earrings, headbands, bangles, necklaces especially beads. I like to collect pencils and pens, even greeting cards. I like collecting souvenirs from the places I visit. I like collecting mobile straps. Recently I started hoarding refrigerator magnets (I’m on a mission to surprise my new housemate). By and large, I like to gather anything that falls into the category of ‘cute’.

I’m very old-fashioned, I still write letters and notes by hand. I love letters, be it writing letters or reading letters. Actually I love reading more than writing. I simply love reading all those so-called-love-letters. Makes me a romantic and senti person. I still love writing (quoting) sweet nothings from my favourite songs. And yes, you must have noticed I use way too many exclamation marks in my everyday typing, in texts, in my tweets, in my status! Oh I just used “!”. It makes me feel good, that’s it. I feel it expresses the emotion very well.

Like every other women I love shoes, flip flops in particular. I hate clothes shopping though. I don’t have patience to spend hours looking for something that’s not readily available. But I should admit I like spending my time in a handicraft and antique shops. It gives me an opportunity to admire and wonder about each piece displayed. Next time I find an antique shop, I’m gonna buy myself a compass. I desperately need with my horrible sense of direction to reach a place (and also in my life). I like fleece probably because I’m always freezing cold during winter.

I like watching movies. Friday is my movie night. If I’m not busy I make sure I watch at least two DVDs. It’s one of many things that help me revive my strength after a weeklong work. I’m a huge fan of romantic comedy and war movies. I love the whole idea of movie marathon with my favorite movies. I like Japanese anime movies, Korean drama series with American series. I’m not a TV person but I love channel surfing when I’m alone and have nothing else to do.

I have always loved British accent in my life though I haven’t really tried speaking myself. I do wish, pray and hope that I get to stay and pick up the accent. I’m telling you this ‘cause I don’t want to surprise you then. Otherwise I’m in love with the way how Leonardo DiCaprio says “huh!” in his movies. I’m his die-hard fan, both for his movies and his environmental activities (more on this in my upcoming blogs).

I love almost everything about BHUTAN. It’s my foremost interest. I love trekking through our jungle and mountains. I have developed this small interest in photography and backpacking. I love prayer flags posted all over. It’s so serene to see them standing tall on a top of a mountain. I like trying local vegetarian foods. I don’t have a sweet tooth. I like local dialects. I like languages and linguistics. I love the local dress our tribes and highlanders wear. I would like to wear them especially if it’s comfortable. I love travelling, a LOT! I love exploring new places, in-country or ex-country. I have always been fascinated by the “Around the World in Eighty Days”. I have enough vigor to travel non stop and all around the world. I would gladly spend my money travelling to lots of places where I rather want to go. One of the things I like about travel is the opportunity to meet new friends.

My favorite color has changed with my age but for this very moment it’s red. Being a part of the Environment of late, GREEN signifies a lot to me. It’s like I have reserved a special place for it. I have always loved the colour of the sky, so blue, so pure and so true. I’m moody so the best color to describe my personality would be rainbow; seven different hues to represent my different moods and emotions. 

I love the first monsoon rains! It’s a good feeling to see the day start with a rainy morning and end with a rainy evening especially during a day off from work. Every street looks clean and different. There is something profound about them that make me wistful. Love how everything can get so romantic. It’s such a perfect time for those long walks and long drives with someone special, of course. And it’s exciting and exhilarating to get wet in the rain (you should stop being an adult version of Little Johnny and try it for yourself).  

I love arts. I love the freedom of living alone with recurrent feeling of going back to become ten again. I love counting stars while waiting for a shooting star to pass by (so that I can make a wish and dream my dreams). I love the days when it starts to get dark very late. I like the whole process of how a day begin and end; crack of dawn, life is suddenly alive, and dusk falls. I’m ambitious, hard working and determined. I’m all for living the simple life but always looking for something new. I’m the kind of girl who likes to hit hard on happiness every now and then.

I love my job though there moments when I’m too tired that I can’t feel my legs and ‘I wanna quit’. But I love what I do and I’m happy to be working most of the time. I can forgo my private plans if I need to work on weekends. So, yes I'm a workaholic! As surprising as you might find, I like networking when I’m not working. I have accounts in most social networking sites. I like updating my profile, that way it helps me keep in touch with my friends. I like to block and then delete negative people from my list when I switch on to my tough mode.

Surprised by the JC’s candidness? This is an attempt that hopefully I don’t need a fake smile next time I meet you. You should try it yourself too. It’s a fun experience and you get an opportunity to study every contour of your individuality that you unabashed impeccable claim to possess.

Me, JC

PS. I’m greedy for good music, good books, good food, good company, love and the list goes on…