Disclaimer: It stands to be my opinion. I'm responsible for what I wrote and not for how you understood/interpreted my words. Plus it's not the final word on men.
By now you probably know that I’m a single working woman on the discovery road of what I’m worth in this lifetime with my focus on being independent and determined of my purpose in life. I’m proud to be born as a woman; Yes, I never wished being born a man. I have lived my life the way I always wanted to. Through thick and thin I have enjoyed way too much being a woman. And among a million other reasons I’m lucky and blessed that I’m born in Bhutan. We don’t have many issues on women like we get to see or at least hear about women (and girls) being assaulted, raped, tortured, murdered or sold off all around the world. In Bhutan we have in reality enjoyed what we call a “matrilineal” system of inheritance in gender terms. (Matrilineality is a system in which lineage is traced through the mother and maternal ancestors. Matrilineality also is a societal system in which one belongs to one's matriline or mother's lineage, which can involve the inheritance of property and/or titles. Courtesy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matrilineality)
Well, at the outset please allow me for lavishly plagiarizing few or probably frequent lines from the September 2010 issue of DRUKPA. I could not but happily agree when I read Mr. Jurmi Chhowing (from the editorial desk) say that “…they make the world go around” (They as in the Women). The word woman is so weighed; I second Lennon on what he probably said few decades ago that ‘Woman, I can hardly express…’. No, I’m not delivering on the nine months and post processes. I’m writing this piece with one particular guy mate of mine on mind who more than two years ago stated that ‘Women are difficult to understand’. The discussion was way too long due between us. I’m still perplexed with this attitude. So, today I’m going to write few things which men are supposed to know about we WOMEN! This is for him! I hope he’s reading this piece too. And this is for those in quest to better understand women. You need to move beyond the ‘women are complex’ mentality.
I don’t know since when but I owned the book ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ by John Gray. Yes, it’s about how you can improve the relationship of heterosexual couples. I had heard so much about it so I bought it thinking that maybe it would be worth buying. I thought that at some point of time in my romantic phase of life, I would need it. But I never had to use this model to improve my relationship. There wasn’t a need, not at all. I was one of the happy Venusian in the universe. Washington Irving once wrote that ‘a woman's whole life is a history of the affections ’. I’m not actually confident what he really meant but I’m taking it in a positive front. Indeed we women are full of affection; history, present or future, we will always be known for the colossal affection we carry in various characters. Let me borrow the line “through daughterhood, sisterhood, motherhood and unto the penultimate shape and form of the matriarchal grandmother, the woman does it all”. That explains it all. But it’s quite surprising that men has discovered it and yet has refused to acknowledge the fact. Of course there’s no clash of the Titans, oops I mean clash of Mars and Venus. Neither battle nor wars!
Personally I have issues that you men have all the time in the world to make other people fall in love with you but you don’t have time to pay attentions to the one who already does. How are we supposed to take that? How do we understand this logic? During the initial days you pretend to love her so much but as time passes by you change. It always makes me wonder why men work so hard to get your attention and once they have it they ignore you. Why do you get bored? Women are not something that you can choose like some flavor of the week and when you are fed up with the taste you dump them right at their face. Where is the idea of wanting to spend the whole life with just one person and not getting tired of them? They say that real men never stop trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he got her. If you promise a woman then please keep the promise if not why do you make it in the first place? Remember that a woman needs someone who will never get tired of loving her and proving it time and again.
Okay, you accuse us of being complex. I agree that the female thought process is very complex. I guess we evolved with time. Now that you know the fact that our thinking process is not simple like you claim to possess, why on universe are you taking such a long time to digest and deal with it accordingly? It doesn’t constitute as a gesture of understanding from your part. If you want us to do something, tell us too. I’m sure you will get a direct answer. With women, you can be who you really are – you don’t need to pretend. If you give them a chance (i.e. if only you want to hear it) she can be brutally honest because she cares about you to tell the truth. She loves you the way you are. Of course there’s this part where she hates her smoking and drinking boyfriend. She tries hard enough to make him quit and it pisses you men. Well, it’s not a burden of unnecessary stress of change. She’s just trying to care about you enough which indirectly helps extend your life so that you can live at least for a day longer together, don’t you Martians get that? If she argues with you, it’s because she cares about you. Listen to her and understand her. The reason is that woman likes to receive those showers of cares for them on a regular basis and would like to do the same for her man. She needs someone who can commit and be responsible.
I have seen (and I have experienced) what it takes to live our lives as a Venusian. With every problem, every adversity, every stress that they went through, they succeeded in bringing that smile through it all (on your face). Every time she was shattered, she has picked up the pieces of her life and remained steadfast as a survivor. Their shoulders have carried the heaviest loads with nil complaints - from your anxiety to bouquets and chocolates. Distance and geographies have never hampered her love for you men. And sometimes your one simple glance has worked its tricks. I tell you men look around and get inspired from these women.
Now I would like to share what’s in a woman’s mind and heart. But you have to promise to inscribe in your little brain and heart. She loves receiving little notes (can’t you guys spare five minutes to write one, even if it’s a weird poem?). She loves receiving sweet dreams message at night (it’s just Nu. 0.45. How stingy could you get?) She expects you to remember the dates (modern technology has given you many ways to remind, can’t you use them?). She expects you to call her at midnight on her birthday and after you wake up and before you sleep (is it too hard for you to whisper Happy Birthday and tell her you love her and make her feel like the most important person in your universe? Common, it comes once a year!) She doesn’t want you to hold her hand bags but she would definitely want you to be a gentleman (Is it too wearisome for you to hold the door for her?) She must be a fan of Enrique or Nelly but she likes to hear her man singing in his hoarse voice (can’t you sing if it makes her to giggle listening to them?) Say things first. Don’t expect her to confess her love to you before you do.
I wish I could avoid the cliché but I have to say it - the best way to a woman’s heart is the truth. You need to compliment her honestly my Martians that way you don’t even have to lie. Be honest and you gain her love, trust and respect. A true relationship starts when you tell each other anything and everything. The much talked about the television soaps win over the football matches – have you ever thought for once ‘I’m giving up this time for you’ rather than ‘why should men give up so many things’? Have you ever asked her out for a long walk after dinner? She would most happily leave her series to spend some quality time alone with you. Men, please delete the mentality of ‘committing to just one woman is a big enough gesture in itself’ from your hard memory disk. That’s seriously not enough. At the end of the day all she wants from you is your love with all your heart (and all we ask is the reassurance from you. Is it too much to ask?).
Guys, are you goaded that women always wear the jealous look whenever you talk with your girl pals or any Venusians? Well, if you weren’t jealous every once in a while, the whole idea is that you wouldn’t be in love either. And please don’t act different in front of your friends and when it’s just you and her. Involve her friends (By now you should know that for women, our BFFs mean so much so we want to share everything with them). I tell you, accept us just the way we are like the way you guys want us to accept the way you are. It’s a win-win situation for all! You don’t get into a relationship to change the other person but you both grow into each other changing you both for the better.
Well some of the things girls expect and what you need to do: when she ignores you, she definitely wants your attention. When she has that doubt, she wants you to defend yourself (she doesn’t want to lose you). A girl is full of hints (try to read them and help her out). When she tells you a secret, she trusts you that you will keep it untold. When she says that she loves you, she really does (I wish I could say how much!). When she walks away from you, she wants you to follow her. Women like a man who will follow them to the end- of the Earth if that’s what it takes. When she starts crying, don’t say anything, just hold her tight as long as possible (she will feel protected). She needs someone who isn’t afraid to let her go when she isn’t ready yet. She needs someone who will fight for his love and never give up no matter what the consequences are. A girl is happiest when she knows that you make her your everything. Don’t force her to do anything!
There are some of us you probably think is tough and strong (you could include me in the list). But that’s just what she wants others to believe. Underneath she’s like everyone else – dreaming about the kind of man who would risk everything for them, even knowing they might get hurt. It is easy to please a woman but hardest to hurt her – simply because what kind of prodigious human with patience and unconditional love get hurt easily. Try us – you hurt her, break & tear her heart apart and in return she will love you back, care about you and will stand right beside you. Yes she will bear all the barbs you men impeccably target her way. The problem with woman is they love someone too much (and the problem with men is they let go too easily). But it’s a pity that you still don’t appreciate her. “Women have the unenviable privilege of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone” (Persuasion, Austen) Lastly but certainly not the least, please NEVER LIE to her (not that you could hide those things from her either). Because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie, from start till present.
I recently discovered a guy named ‘Chris Medina’ (American Idol 10 contestant). He touched the hearts of more that 30 million people (including me) with his heartbreaking story. His fiancé survived a car accident prior to their marriage date and suffered from a traumatic brain injury. He has dedicated his life in taking the role of her sole caretaker. Their undated-marriage in future is what keeps him motivated. The world indeed needs more men like him. I wish the world had more men like Chris. Sometimes I feel instead of advocating on the conservation of 200 White Bellied Herons in the world, we need to spread more awareness on these kinds of men left (because such men are uncommon and near to extinction now).
No woman no cry! I refuse to believe Bonny M and everyone else who sings this song. Remove that thick blinders from your eyes Martians and see that we aren’t the cause of the howl. Instead we have the answers. However, in any case you cry sometimes woman can lend her shoulder to man. I couldn’t but agree to a man when he said that “one cannot fathom how insipid the world would be without Women”. Women were created from the ribs of Adam because it's under his arm to be protected and near his heart to be loved. And of course we have James Brown singing “…this is a man's world; this is a man's world. But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl...” In life, in any case if you land up with two options to run away or stand your ground (due to a woman in your life), I say please stand your ground. I promise you won’t be extinct. You will be one of the critically endangered species on Earth and this woman will conserve and take actions that your habitat isn’t destroyed.
This is to celebration of being a woman, a source of strength and wisdom (together with all her foibles)! This one is to those who need to understand us! Happy Women’s Day my ladies out there! May the Force be with you all! And gentlemen, celebrate your best reason to live & die for-WOMEN!
Let the understanding begin!
Girly JC!
PS. Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags. It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex. – Charlotte Bronte (Jane Eyre Ch. 12)
A man is also a woman; he wants to find someone, to give meaning to his life. Does that make a man difficult to understand?
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