HOW ARE YOU?!

26.02.2015

HOW ARE YOU?!

But the lies that we tell ourselves are the ghosts that haunt the empty house of midnight. – Shantaram (Gregory David Roberts)

Kemon achho?

Khub bhaalo achhi, dhonyobad!

(How’re you?

Very well, thank you!)

That was my everyday conversation I used to have every other day with every single person I encountered while I was hospitalized in Kolkata this February (Damn, my sore kidney!). Come attendants, visitors, doctors, nurses, sisters, brothers, carers - people kept asking me, “so how’re you today?” I used to lie. Yes, I used to avoid their volley of questions with a big fat lie, “I’M FINE” and a convincing smile. People say that you shouldn't lie to a sick person. It’s bad karma. But what do you do when the sick person is the one lying? Honestly, I don’t know. What can you say about the pain that you can’t endure anymore? How can you say that you are frigging afraid of Shinje (God of death) almost knocking your door? I have no answers.

I had wanted to write on this title some years ago but I was struck by writer’s block then. This piece always remained in its draft form with some illegible scribbles. But I've to say this is just the right time. Sometimes, you know, the timing works out.

Everything okay?

No, everything is not okay. No, no, I’m not fine. I’m not swell like I forever pretend to be. Nothing is grand about me. I recently had a small operation. As much as the medical name is flashy, it sounds pretty surgical (so, no medical or surgical talks). The day before my surgery was appointed I was lying on a hospital bed worried about my surgery. Here I was tracing life in my head. Yet I was lying through my teeth to every other nurses, sisters, brothers, attendants and doctors in the ward where I had made my temporary home. I was lying about how I was feeling - apart from the fact that I might die, ‘I’m fine’.

It was depressing to watch the wall clock ticking right in the front (impeccable position) and to watch the IV bag on a pole right next to my bed, which was connected through the IV lines to my right hand. The liquid feed was getting into every bit of cells in my body. And my body was at least happy (I’d like to think so) sipping the warm liquid slowly. I was like holding onto it as if my life depended on it completely (perhaps I was). It felt like a dead end during my anesthetized hours. Like I could kick the bucket any moment. All those idiotic thoughts were coming and going in this basket case’s head. Like it's all that's in my head. I was fighting tooth and nail to push and shake off all the morbid thoughts. So, no, I wasn’t over the moon about that either. I thought watching too much of Grey’s Anatomy would make me familiar and less scarier. But nope, I was shit scared.

I have a stent placed inside my body and it pains every time I attend the call of nature. My life has become a juggle of drinking water/fluid as much as I can and visiting the loo after every glassful intake. My daily mission is to accomplish at least two liters of urine output. I’m trying but it sucks when some places does not have a privy. So, yes, I’m not in my best health. I hate bad health days. I haven’t gotten through some stupid person. And that has made a mess of my thoughts. I’ve changed into an owl from a lark (be damned insomnia!). That’s annoying when you need an eight hours of sleep and at the same time reach office on time without skipping breakfast! I’m desperately looking for sponsors that would allow me to travel abroad for work. So, yes, I’m not in my best mood either as I claim to be every freaking day. In fact, I'm going out of my freaking mind! Bit of a rant and rave, I know. BUT I’M FINE, still. I’ve never felt more alive! There goes another lie. Here I’m hell-bent on lying to prove that I’m stronger, trying to become the strongest one on the planet every waking second. In sport, let’s play a game - who wants to go on a lying rampage to hide your weaker side with me?

I once read that saying “I’m fine” is one of the three biggest lies every one chants when asked the usual rhetorical questions – “How’re you?” How’re you, again? I’m fine (that sounds like something I would say). But are you really fine? Are you really doing well? That sounds like you’re living in a utopian world among utopian fellows. God, we’re such a bunch of good liars. We all should be nominated for Oscars, after all we all are in the same clique of putting a mask with a convincing smile. And I should definitely win the award. All my life I’ve always said that I hate hypocrites and that liars really get my goat. Maybe all these while I’ve been one. You know, if they had a contest for the world's best liar, I'd win it hands down. Like seriously. And bonus award for the world’s best hypocrite… SIGH!

Life is difficult for everyone. It’s hard, this thing with all the unpleasant stuffs happening in our lives at some point of time. Be it bad health, death in the family, broken heart, quarrel with your significant other, distance with your best friend, relationships turning sour. It’s really hard. It’s exhausting. And well, it’s complicated. Those moments when all you need is for the pain to be gone. Flunking in your exam, losing a bet, fight with boss at work, getting fired from the job. Now that’s frustrating. Every one is going through a bad patch. All of us have gone through bad days, lost golden opportunities and feelings have eventually lost. All those feelings that you feel, that’s life. And life sometimes sucks. It is scary and threatening. I get it. I do. But you should know that sometimes terrible things happen to incredible people. And I guess it’s okay to be a little miserable every now and then in life. It’s okay to be sad even when you have beautiful people in your life. It’s okay to be depressed even though you have all the great things in your life. Eventually we get through that rough patch. It comes and goes. Life will always find a way to continue. They say that when things seem the most desperate, people find you and you’re not alone any more. And that’s part of what it means to be alive. That’s how we survive. That’s what makes our life interesting. Well, life's too short to even care at all.

It takes a lot of tries to be the toughest one in front of everyone. So, how about we come clean and pour out what we are feeling, how we are exactly feeling, how we are doing? It doesn’t take any stones. That’s like effortless. All of our primary school days we have been taught that “honesty is the best policy”. Whatever happened to HONESTY! Turns out we’re all just talk. As grown-ups we do not care a bit to heed these words. As grown-ups we're this mess of lies and hypocrites. After all, award-winning liars that we all have become with time. I guess sometimes we just need to cut ourselves some slack and allow ourselves to be just the way we are in real. No more phony ‘I’m fine’ shits. No more fake smiles behind that pain. No more lies for once. It’s about time to be honest and uncover the mask and let people see how broken we are inside. And make sure that you fight like hell to be alive. Lets shed our skin of downright liars and be ourselves. So, how're you, again?

Once-a-liar, JC

PS. Because you’re gonna lie that you’re fine. So I’ll just leave these open-ended options: Hunky-dory? Splendid? Fabulous? Happy? Rocking? On top of the world? Copacetic? Subversive? Wired? Redundant? Scattered? Awful? Barely breathing? Nonessential? Don Quixotic? Heartbroken? Crestfallen? Addled? Apathetic? Antisocial? Jealous? Motivated? Discouraged? Hanging in there? Running away? Feel better now? In some of your answers, I see myself. Because I’m a little like you all. But it feels so damn good to say what you’ve been actually feeling, right? May the truth set you free!

FOR AULD LANG SYNE!

1:35 PM – I’d my half-hour lunch and rushed to make a draft of this blog. Lucky you all, you get to read it after um… more than three years of my hiatus in blogging. God, I sound like one of those band members who just rejoined the band after a massive recovery from drug and alcohol problems. Except that I’ve always been very clean and a teetotaler (I think). It’s another thing that I wish to go to Amsterdam and smoke pot, one fine day (in 2015, God willing or NOT!). To be honest, my writer’s ears stood up in the loo after my lunch. You know how they say that people get their best ideas in the loo, you can second that on my behalf. I’m a little psyched that I have restarted writing My Frame of Mind. I can’t guarantee for how long I will pen down either of my specific or random thoughts swirling in my head though. As I’m getting old each day I’m becoming more of a faddist.

7:00 PM – Hiya world!!! (I think I forgot to formally give you all my greetings.) I just finished my last dinner for 2014. Why the hell am I talking about eating today?! Anyway, I’m watching the popular Sydney New Year's Eve (NYE) fireworks celebration on BBC News. I can’t believe we are closing out another year already. I miss being down under this time of the year, obviously to be the first ones to welcome the New Year. Well, as we close and welcome in the New Year, I’m gonna reflect on what I learnt in 2014 for you to take lessons (just kidding). And just so you know, I even denied my office colleagues for NYE to stay back home and finish this piece (winter cold has got nothing to do with it : P). The list is not in any order.

1. Time – where does it go?! 2014 went by so quickly personally. Great minds think alike - do I get the nod, who all? I’m glad that I am still alive and ready for 2015. New beginnings are so refreshing especially if you’re forever stuck with a mundane, humdrum existence. And you are a bit much adamant to hope that life will be all that you ever want it to be, next year. I’m very thankful for yet another exciting year; thankful for another chance to experience life with weird and wonderful people in my life. I hope you all take time to be thankful for all the good, bad and ugly experiences in your life with your most loved weird and wonderful people in your lives. It certainly has given you a way forward when you got lost and stranded.  I’m sure every one got lots to live up to, still. Well, for those procrastinators like me start off exactly from where you left off and continue to forge ahead with your every bit of energy. It’s gonna be an enormous year!
2. You make plan and it fails. You make another plan and it fails. You plan again. You always have next year to make the same plan. Inside story: I made a total of eight travel plans this year alone and miserably none of them happened. It was way beyond my grasp due to lots of i-don’t-remember-reasons. I’m carrying forth the same plans in 2015 minus the reasons. How exciting! I don’t have to plan again. Time saving too. On the brighter side I hope you all make crazy plans; plans that you definitely can do and plans for year next and when you do may it be the best one ever.
3. The price of petrol was 59.33 Nu today when I went to fuel my car. The last time I checked, it was 60 point something. At least it is good to know that some figures in life are decreasing. It is good news for someone like me whose living depends on a shoestring budget. Next time you visit a fuel station, don’t forget to discover your small happiness.
4. I’ve been living in Bumthang for almost 11 months now. Fogs are part and parcel of living in this beautiful district. I remember how I used to dislike foggy days pre-2014. It’d this unpleasant depressing effect to already not-so-lively-mood. But now I have become a fogaholic. I’ve come to realize that fogs are not always the damper especially if you like taking pictures of nature. So, you all, allow yourself to try your hand at stuffs that you remotely like. I’m sure some day you’ll know what you are searching for. En passant, strange place Bumthang is, every stranger I meet shares my first name. What are the odds?
5. Who says that you cannot live without social media! I partially quit Facebook for almost four months (no sad reasons just that I had a small bickering over nothing with Zuckerberg. You guys do know him, right? He’s kind and very thoughtful. If not for Facebook, millions would forget to wish their loved ones on their birthdays and wouldn't be able to track their milestones). No withdrawal symptoms of an addict. No having to go through the bombardment of too much information. But you suddenly have a lot of extra time in your hands! FYI, I’ll be back on Facebook soon, when I feel like I’m placated enough by Mr. Z. If you ask me how I survived, well, don’t consider it as cheating but I had Instagram and Twitter to accompany me during my peak lazy hours.
6. People say change is good. I cut my hair short when my heart broke last summer (more on that some other day). Clearly a haircut did not do any good to this airhead’s mood. Wait… except that you save your budget on buying shampoo and conditioner. If you love your hair, don’t try this stunt at home or a saloon for that matter. Only time heals. Give yourself few days, a month or two, a year... to let the suture in your heart heal completely. 
7. Um… this one is slightly blue. You outgrow people and it’s okay. Seriously, it’s A-okay! It doesn't make you a horrible person to let go and move on. Give them some time to grow up, though (if for nothing but just for their sake).
8. I’ve seen so many deaths in 2014 (may their soul rest in utter peace). We live for a limited period in this world. But each day we go fantasizing that we’re immortal. The sands of our death hourglass are cascading in full momentum and we still refuse to acknowledge. I hope you allow life to teach you lessons within that limited period. And when you do learn them you stop taking things for granted.
9. Come 2015 and 365 more days in it to live life our way in this beautiful world except that there are morbid diseases running through our planet. Most of the days I’m self-centered but lately I’m minding others business since World peace seems to be not at peace. May 2015 be the harbinger of positive change to these morbid occurrences. God knows, we need some desperately (Alert: don’t be surprised if I write my next blog somewhere from a remote village serving as a volunteer to promote peace).
10. This one is to change the mood. When you get sad, stop being sad and be AWESOME instead. It’s a true story. I learnt that from Barney Stinson.
11. And lastly but not the least, it’s okay to sit home and watch Cosmos- A Spacetime Odyssey on New Years Eve, alone. Well, it’s not even St. Valentine’s Day after all. It’s just another year around the sun we’re talking about, hm?

On a serious note, wishing a happy and fulfilling 2015, whether you’re bone-cold surrounded by snow or sweating in a hot summer land, wherever you are in this beautiful world. Wishing that may each day of 2015 bring you the clarity of intentions, bring you closer to enlightenment and satisfaction and may you get the strength to see them through. Happy New Year, all! Sharing positive vibes and light to you all! I’m a huge fan of English personalities. So as we ring out the old year, I end this piece quoting few lines from the infamous Scots poem written by Robert Burns:

For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak' a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely ye’ll be your pint-stoup!
and surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak' a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

One more thing: I just read my daily note from the Universe. As the Universe ordered up another year for me, it has one request of me: to dream bigger. I pass on the same request to you all too:

DREAM BIGGER

Let’s do this, JC

PS. What is one resolution you have not followed through with in 2014? There I caught you!

 

COULD-HAVE-BEENS!

I suddenly saw few decisions that I had made in times of yore, all flash-backed as I went to bed last Tuesday. The same day, I had met a seventeen year young chap nicked ‘Yongba’ (a rare case to find such named native in Punakha). He accompanied me throughout my four hour walk to a far-flung village called Nidupchhu. First he was hesitant to talk overtly but when I started to ask him personal questions, he was natural then. I learnt everything about his whereabouts, family, reasons he didn't returned back to the Shedra he was studying after he dropped out of his school from his seventh grade, his ambition in life then and now. And while we were conversing and walking up the steep mountain, he landed up sharing about how an American tourist once wanted to adopt and take him to his country. He was all willing to leave behind his family, his village and his country in quest of a better life abroad. But his dream remained a dream till this day. His father refused. He confessed that he still wondered how his life would have changed. He still marveled how his life could have been, had his father said yes to that American stranger. His unduly curiosity unlocked my past decisions which shaped many aspects of my life that I had all but forgotten. It reminded me of my journey to where I am today.

There are many instances in my life where things have been different because of my decision. There were times during my high school when I wanted to become an Engineer but my career direction changed when I was in my twelfth standard. Like others I was confident enough to dream big. I wanted to become a human doctor. I was so positive that I would be so perfect for the profession. I dropped math to concentrate more on biology despite my love for math. Had I taken math and studied well, you might have seen me writing all technical stuffs. I could have become an Engineer.  

Back to Yongba, I could see his excitements still fresh when he remembered about that tourist. It made me wonder too about how his life could have been now. But this time with his excitement was the apparent pain of not being with his supposedly adopted father to live an American dream. Like this young gentleman, I’m still excited at the thought of ‘if only I had taken Math along with Biology in my Pre-University level’. I might have worked hard on my Physics too and had other options to choose. If not a Doctor, I might have been living my other dream (among many) of working as an astrophysicist. Well, it’s always hard to deal with the “could-have-beens” in our life.

This takes me to our constant companion of life: fear! Fear of the unwilling risk, fear of the risked outcomes, and fear of the fear affecting almost every decision we make in the end. There was this constant fear that taking both Math and Biology would mean dividing my study time for two subjects and risking low grades in both. My fear of Calculus and low grades in Math made me opt for Biology. Because of this fear, we land up having all those could-have-beens waiting in line in our life hoping that we will find what we have been chasing. We are not ready to let go every thoughts that we so apprehensively built in our mind because of the fear of what we could be missing. This very fear shapes all side of our lives, from choosing a subject to study to choosing a career, from falling in love to choosing the right soul mate and everything in-between in the journey of our life. There is always a fear accompanying us in everything that we dream about.

Do you wanna know if I ever missed on some of the best moments in my life because of it? Of course, I did miss; the undersized opportunity of working for NASA or having the title “Dr.” in front of my name…LOL..I still dread to realize the fact of losing what I never had or what I never really found. Sometimes when I look back on my life, I’m disappointed that I didn’t make an honest effort to make many things (things that mattered and I might have really wanted) happen. There are decisions that I pulled an upset for myself. Personally it cuts me with my every could-have-beens that I’ve so long added and accumulated in my list. All the chances I never took, the relationships I was afraid to have and sometimes the decisions I waited too long to make. In my chase of perfection, I was too scared of being not-good-enough. In my pursuit of happiness, I was afraid of denial. And in my search for an idyllic life, I had insecurities of life per se. 

I’m still wondering how Yongba might have grown up to be. And I wonder about all the dreams I never pursued.

Now I have this slow realization of how our life’s not all haha-heehee. The paradox of life will always be there; moment of bliss taking you into heart-rending sadness. It’s like that line, “Just like a seesaw always teetering on end finding joy then sorrow then joy again”. The possibility of getting into the contradictory situation has always been there (at least for me). Many things in my life have quite turned out because of all the boundaries that I set for myself. I’ve encountered high and lows, bumped into both success and failures. I‘ve been the victim of my obvious and hidden choices. But I’m glad that I got to learn my lessons if not late: to take risk and avoid having those moments of regret for not giving it a try. Universe, as we know by now, has its own way of throwing challenges on our way as much as she pleases. The choice is finally ours to make: to embrace the challenges, seize the opportunity and take the plunge. I say overcome your fears and take it on!

You only come through stronger when you thought you couldn’t cope with more. So, until next time, step out and live your life saying ‘at least I tried’.


...Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream...


Could-have-been-Dr.JC!

PS. Well, now I’m certain that, had I met this American adopted Yongba now, he must have talked to me with his American accent: Howdy ma'am?

KNIGHTS IN SHINING ARMOUR - MEN!

The Complete Man: Tall, Dark, handsome, intelligent, humorous, loyal, caring, understanding, charming, rich if not the archetype himself – Mr. Adonis!


I’m sure those who read my previous blog must have created this I-hate-men image out of me. Honestly, I’m not Anti-men (not always but most of the time I land up going against). Somehow, men always fail me miserably every single and second time. Well, today is an exception. Seriously, I couldn’t not write about MEN after writing on Women last week. Ladies, let’s admit that one of the main topics we discuss is men when we girls get together (How could we forget that?). And I know it wouldn’t have been fair on my part if I didn’t write after reading to Karma Choden saying that “every Bhutanese woman is as assured as she is accomplished. For this, we have ourselves and then our men to thank. I believe it takes two to sing a beautiful duet; it goes to show it takes confident men to allow confidence in women.” (DRUKPA, Sept ‘10)


I don’t think I can rightly pen down the emotions that is running right now. There are few men that have a special place in my heart, always have. It’s because of whom I have been able to swerve every little bump in my life’s highway. Okay, I’m not going into details of these special men of my life of course. But whatever I land up writing please take it as another way of saying my ‘Thank You’ to all the men in my life. Word’s can’t begin to express how special it is and how grateful I’m to have you all. And sorry I’m ignoring those, which millions of girls still wish their men to be like. But I have my favorite men on Earth to Thank for coming into my life: Landon Carter, Abhay Gulati, Stefan Salvatore, Chulbul Pandey, Hassan, our very own Gasa Lamai Singye and now my new discovery Chris Medina. These men have never disappointed me, ever. I love them all, a big time!


I’m not being THE JUDAS here my sisters (just trying to sing a beautiful duet). There are many facts which make him very special. A guy pal has an additional importance in our life. Trust me ladies, he will open you to yet another dimension and lead you to things you couldn’t possibly fathom.  As romantically as it sounds, these knights in shining armour was not only protective of me but helped me with my endless problems. Simply put, he solved all my problems from careers to unavailability of vegetarian food. From watching sad movies to accompanying us for long hours of shopping. From which cool gadget to buy to set them up and to fix it. From being a protector to your backup/substitute date for high school or college reunion. From filling you in on male gossips to how the they (men) think. From love to genuine advice on each man we introduce them secretly. From enjoying to dare the toughest stunts to our single tear that melted them. I love this one now; he will lend his shoulder to cry on when a guy breaks your heart and will be the first to put his fist in the face of the same man who dared to make you cry. That’s the power of the knight in shining armour. I’m sure those who already have one will consent with me. I discovered him from my ninth grade and now have extended to more than one.


He’s like any normal guy doing all those douche-bag man things but there’s this ‘you-can-rely-on-me’ or ‘I-won’t-let-you-down’ attribute which makes him different and special. He’s the guide to Mars who will enrich your life in more ways like your gang of girls. He’ll give you a man’s perspective on everything. A true help, come shine come rain through the potholes of life. He would be readily available; you are just a phone call away kinda – as simple as that! And yes they listen to a woman; it’s just that initially you need to nudge from time to time, the rest is a smooth journey. I’ve been told by one of my guy pal that just because he doesn’t love you the way you wanted him to doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you (they just run out of ways to express). So I guess we need to understand them as well. I have to say, these types of guy pals are irreplaceable. I should not but I’m outta his attributes. May be you ladies get yourself lucky to find that ideal guy pal and have him in your collection of friends. Needless to say, I know I’m lucky to have them!

Guy-Pal JC!

PS. My dearest Men, if women don’t come to you still, please know that they don’t know a friend like you. 

My knights in shining armour! 

(Sorry Sherab, Singay and Tandin. I'll have to meet you guys and save the moment next time!)

PHENOMENAL WOMAN!

(An extension on Women Series)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size 
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips, 
The stride of my step, 
The curl of my lips. 
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please, 
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees. 
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees. 
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes, 
And the flash of my teeth, 
The swing in my waist, 
And the joy in my feet. 
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered 
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them, 
They say they still can't see. 
I say,
It's in the arch of my back, 
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed. 
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud. 
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels, 
The bend of my hair, 
The palm of my hand, 
The need for my care. 
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

—Maya Angelou

THE OTHER HALF OF THE SKY - WOMEN!

Disclaimer: It stands to be my opinion. I'm responsible for what I wrote and not for how you understood/interpreted my words. Plus it's not the final word on men.

By now you probably know that I’m a single working woman on the discovery road of what I’m worth in this lifetime with my focus on being independent and determined of my purpose in life. I’m proud to be born as a woman; Yes, I never wished being born a man. I have lived my life the way I always wanted to. Through thick and thin I have enjoyed way too much being a woman. And among a million other reasons I’m lucky and blessed that I’m born in Bhutan. We don’t have many issues on women like we get to see or at least hear about women (and girls) being assaulted, raped, tortured, murdered or sold off all around the world. In Bhutan we have in reality enjoyed what we call a “matrilineal” system of inheritance in gender terms. (Matrilineality is a system in which lineage is traced through the mother and maternal ancestors. Matrilineality also is a societal system in which one belongs to one's matriline or mother's lineage, which can involve the inheritance of property and/or titles. Courtesy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matrilineality)

Well, at the outset please allow me for lavishly plagiarizing few or probably frequent lines from the September 2010 issue of DRUKPA. I could not but happily agree when I read Mr. Jurmi Chhowing (from the editorial desk) say that “…they make the world go around” (They as in the Women). The word woman is so weighed; I second Lennon on what he probably said few decades ago that ‘Woman, I can hardly express…’. No, I’m not delivering on the nine months and post processes. I’m writing this piece with one particular guy mate of mine on mind who more than two years ago stated that ‘Women are difficult to understand’. The discussion was way too long due between us. I’m still perplexed with this attitude. So, today I’m going to write few things which men are supposed to know about we WOMEN! This is for him! I hope he’s reading this piece too. And this is for those in quest to better understand women. You need to move beyond the ‘women are complex’ mentality. 

I don’t know since when but I owned the book ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ by John Gray. Yes, it’s about how you can improve the relationship of heterosexual couples. I had heard so much about it so I bought it thinking that maybe it would be worth buying. I thought that at some point of time in my romantic phase of life, I would need it. But I never had to use this model to improve my relationship. There wasn’t a need, not at all. I was one of the happy Venusian in the universe. Washington Irving once wrote that ‘a woman's whole life is a history of the affections ’. I’m not actually confident what he really meant but I’m taking it in a positive front. Indeed we women are full of affection; history, present or future, we will always be known for the colossal affection we carry in various characters. Let me borrow the line “through daughterhood, sisterhood, motherhood and unto the penultimate shape and form of the matriarchal grandmother, the woman does it all”. That explains it all. But it’s quite surprising that men has discovered it and yet has refused to acknowledge the fact. Of course there’s no clash of the Titans, oops I mean clash of Mars and Venus. Neither battle nor wars! 

Well guys, it’s hard for us to understand what you mean when you say whatever you say. We don’t want you to beat around the bush. Who wants to be with the guy who doesn't have the guts to tell the truth? Why do you try to have options when you can just have one? We detest when you men try to show off your multitasking prowess (sometimes by killing two birds with one stone, supposed to be a metaphor). It is just condescending and downright heartbreaking. When I meet people like that it reminds me why I am single (Most of the times I wish I could see the future just to see if one particular guy is even worth it). It reminds me of a penny; two faced, hollow and worthless. When I say worthless, does it hurt the colossal ego that you men carry? Tsk Tsk, but you cannot deny the fact either, right? If ever I find a guy that proves me wrong, I swear I’ll forget that I even wrote this piece. But then I know I’ll simply land up rolling my eyes as I say “men are men and men will be men still”. No denial!!! You can’t be in love with two people one time, even if you do how sure can you be that either the first or the second one will turn out to be the right one? (I read somewhere about a male-specific disease, could it be the dreaded ‘Male Jump to Conclusion Syndrome’ afflicted to the Martians?) Why cheat on someone? If you weren’t sure or happy, speak out and just leave. Respect woman and the respect this thing called commitment. Smarten up!

Personally I have issues that you men have all the time in the world to make other people fall in love with you but you don’t have time to pay attentions to the one who already does. How are we supposed to take that? How do we understand this logic? During the initial days you pretend to love her so much but as time passes by you change. It always makes me wonder why men work so hard to get your attention and once they have it they ignore you. Why do you get bored? Women are not something that you can choose like some flavor of the week and when you are fed up with the taste you dump them right at their face. Where is the idea of wanting to spend the whole life with just one person and not getting tired of them? They say that real men never stop trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he got her. If you promise a woman then please keep the promise if not why do you make it in the first place? Remember that a woman needs someone who will never get tired of loving her and proving it time and again.

Okay, you accuse us of being complex. I agree that the female thought process is very complex. I guess we evolved with time. Now that you know the fact that our thinking process is not simple like you claim to possess, why on universe are you taking such a long time to digest and deal with it accordingly? It doesn’t constitute as a gesture of understanding from your part. If you want us to do something, tell us too. I’m sure you will get a direct answer. With women, you can be who you really are – you don’t need to pretend. If you give them a chance (i.e. if only you want to hear it) she can be brutally honest because she cares about you to tell the truth. She loves you the way you are. Of course there’s this part where she hates her smoking and drinking boyfriend. She tries hard enough to make him quit and it pisses you men. Well, it’s not a burden of unnecessary stress of change.  She’s just trying to care about you enough which indirectly helps extend your life so that you can live at least for a day longer together, don’t you Martians get that? If she argues with you, it’s because she cares about you. Listen to her and understand her. The reason is that woman likes to receive those showers of cares for them on a regular basis and would like to do the same for her man. She needs someone who can commit and be responsible.

I have seen (and I have experienced) what it takes to live our lives as a Venusian. With every problem, every adversity, every stress that they went through, they succeeded in bringing that smile through it all (on your face). Every time she was shattered, she has picked up the pieces of her life and remained steadfast as a survivor. Their shoulders have carried the heaviest loads with nil complaints - from your anxiety to bouquets and chocolates. Distance and geographies have never hampered her love for you men. And sometimes your one simple glance has worked its tricks. I tell you men look around and get inspired from these women.

Now I would like to share what’s in a woman’s mind and heart. But you have to promise to inscribe in your little brain and heart. She loves receiving little notes (can’t you guys spare five minutes to write one, even if it’s a weird poem?). She loves receiving sweet dreams message at night (it’s just Nu. 0.45. How stingy could you get?) She expects you to remember the dates (modern technology has given you many ways to remind, can’t you use them?). She expects you to call her at midnight on her birthday and after you wake up and before you sleep (is it too hard for you to whisper Happy Birthday and tell her you love her and make her feel like the most important person in your universe? Common, it comes once a year!) She doesn’t want you to hold her hand bags but she would definitely want you to be a gentleman (Is it too wearisome for you to hold the door for her?) She must be a fan of Enrique or Nelly but she likes to hear her man singing in his hoarse voice (can’t you sing if it makes her to giggle listening to them?) Say things first. Don’t expect her to confess her love to you before you do.

I wish I could avoid the cliché but I have to say it - the best way to a woman’s heart is the truth. You need to compliment her honestly my Martians that way you don’t even have to lie. Be honest and you gain her love, trust and respect. A true relationship starts when you tell each other anything and everything. The much talked about the television soaps win over the football matches – have you ever thought for once ‘I’m giving up this time for you’ rather than ‘why should men give up so many things’? Have you ever asked her out for a long walk after dinner? She would most happily leave her series to spend some quality time alone with you. Men, please delete the mentality of ‘committing to just one woman is a big enough gesture in itself’ from your hard memory disk. That’s seriously not enough. At the end of the day all she wants from you is your love with all your heart (and all we ask is the reassurance from you. Is it too much to ask?).

Guys, are you goaded that women always wear the jealous look whenever you talk with your girl pals or any Venusians? Well, if you weren’t jealous every once in a while, the whole idea is that you wouldn’t be in love either. And please don’t act different in front of your friends and when it’s just you and her. Involve her friends (By now you should know that for women, our BFFs mean so much so we want to share everything with them). I tell you, accept us just the way we are like the way you guys want us to accept the way you are. It’s a win-win situation for all! You don’t get into a relationship to change the other person but you both grow into each other changing you both for the better.

Well some of the things girls expect and what you need to do: when she ignores you, she definitely wants your attention. When she has that doubt, she wants you to defend yourself (she doesn’t want to lose you). A girl is full of hints (try to read them and help her out). When she tells you a secret, she trusts you that you will keep it untold. When she says that she loves you, she really does (I wish I could say how much!). When she walks away from you, she wants you to follow her. Women like a man who will follow them to the end- of the Earth if that’s what it takes. When she starts crying, don’t say anything, just hold her tight as long as possible (she will feel protected). She needs someone who isn’t afraid to let her go when she isn’t ready yet. She needs someone who will fight for his love and never give up no matter what the consequences are. A girl is happiest when she knows that you make her your everything. Don’t force her to do anything! 

There are some of us you probably think is tough and strong (you could include me in the list). But that’s just what she wants others to believe. Underneath she’s like everyone else – dreaming about the kind of man who would risk everything for them, even knowing they might get hurt. It is easy to please a woman but hardest to hurt her – simply because what kind of prodigious human with patience and unconditional love get hurt easily. Try us – you hurt her, break & tear her heart apart and in return she will love you back, care about you and will stand right beside you. Yes she will bear all the barbs you men impeccably target her way. The problem with woman is they love someone too much (and the problem with men is they let go too easily). But it’s a pity that you still don’t appreciate her. “Women have the unenviable privilege of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone” (Persuasion, Austen) Lastly but certainly not the least, please NEVER LIE to her (not that you could hide those things from her either). Because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie, from start till present.

I recently discovered a guy named ‘Chris Medina’ (American Idol 10 contestant). He touched the hearts of more that 30 million people (including me) with his heartbreaking story. His fiancé survived a car accident prior to their marriage date and suffered from a traumatic brain injury. He has dedicated his life in taking the role of her sole caretaker. Their undated-marriage in future is what keeps him motivated. The world indeed needs more men like him. I wish the world had more men like Chris. Sometimes I feel instead of advocating on the conservation of 200 White Bellied Herons in the world, we need to spread more awareness on these kinds of men left (because such men are uncommon and near to extinction now).

No woman no cry! I refuse to believe Bonny M and everyone else who sings this song. Remove that thick blinders from your eyes Martians and see that we aren’t the cause of the howl. Instead we have the answers. However, in any case you cry sometimes woman can lend her shoulder to man. I couldn’t but agree to a man when he said that “one cannot fathom how insipid the world would be without Women”. Women were created from the ribs of Adam because it's under his arm to be protected and near his heart to be loved. And of course we have James Brown singing “…this is a man's world; this is a man's world. But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl...” In life, in any case if you land up with two options to run away or stand your ground (due to a woman in your life), I say please stand your ground. I promise you won’t be extinct. You will be one of the critically endangered species on Earth and this woman will conserve and take actions that your habitat isn’t destroyed.

This is to celebration of being a woman, a source of strength and wisdom (together with all her foibles)! This one is to those who need to understand us! Happy Women’s Day my ladies out there! May the Force be with you all! And gentlemen, celebrate your best reason to live & die for-WOMEN!

Let the understanding begin!

Girly JC!

PS. Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags. It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex. – Charlotte Bronte (Jane Eyre Ch. 12)

A man is also a woman; he wants to find someone, to give meaning to his life. Does that make a man difficult to understand?

PPS. Men, I'm forever keeping my angel close, are you?